Write about whatever BDSM/kink related topic you want.
Wow, what a cop out on the last question.
I don’t really have anything to say that hasn’t already been said. I guess just keep it safe, safe, and consensual, kids. Play smart. Be sincere in your relationships. And don’t let others define what kink or BDSM or D/s or whatever is to you.
Anyway, it took me like 3 months but I’m finally done with 30 Days of Kink! I actually put a decent amount of effort into this so if you’d like to read my responses just click here or go to tagged/30_days_of_kink on my blog. :D
Also, if you’ve completed these prompts you should drop me a link. I’d love to read what you’ve written! :)
Do you have a BDSM title? What’s your opinion on the use of titles in general?
I don’t really have a “title” per se but Sir has many different names he calls me. Often by a shortened version of my first name, by my full name when he means business. He calls me pet. Sometimes his good girl, his little girl, his love. In the most affectionate way possible I am his slut, his whore. And I melt everytime he calls me baby.
As far as the use of titles in general, I have nothing really for or against it. I call Sir by his first name a majority of the time but I know when it’s expected that I call him Sir. If he preferred that I always call him by one or the other, I would be fine with that (aside from most public/family situations).
Also, just a random thought, despite what title (or lack thereof) couples decide to use, whether it’s sir, master, mistress, ma’am, daddy, pet, etc. it doesn’t necessarily define their relationship. It’s just whatever feels comfortable or appropriate for each person.
How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
I feel like this question is irrelevant to me. I don’t ever really go to kinky events or play parties. I occasionally go to munches but I just wear regular, everyday clothing.
When Sir and I are together I wear whatever he wants me to wear. Which usually means I’m partially or completely naked. :P
Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
I like eating so um…oral sex is nice?
Seriously though, this is such a dumb question.
If anything, characteristics that seem vanilla translate into my relationship with Sir. I’m a perfectionist (oh goodness, am I ever) so all of my assignments are checked and double checked before they ever make it to him.
Something else I’ve tried, but mostly failed, to explain is how the path my life is taking and my relationship with Sir seem to be connected in a way. I like to serve. I like to serve him, I like to serve the people that occupy the tables at the restaurant where I work, my schooling is taking me to a career where I will be serving patients. I wouldn’t say I’m naturally submissive, that doesn’t sound quite accurate to me. I just get a rush from pleasing others- but not to the extent that I allow myself to be a doormat.
See? I told you this was a dumb question!
What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
I think for some people it’s a good way to ease into a power exchange dynamic. I think it’s also a way to talk to a lot of different subs/Doms and maybe get a feel for what you’re curious about trying IRL.
For a lot of people though, including myself, it would never be enough in the long run.
How open are you about your kinks?
To everybody? No way. That hasn’t turned out so well for me in the past. To other kinky people? I’d say very. I have no issue sharing my interests and experiences with others.
Sometimes it’s hard to articulate a response on the spot though. For instance, at a munch I went to I was chatting with a girl about school and topics of that sort when all of a sudden she blurted out “So, what are your kinks?”. I didn’t even know how to respond. I just laughed and I’m sure I turned beet red before I stuttered out some sort of half assed response about power exchange and paddles and who knows what else.
Basically, it depends!
What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Mature, driven, intelligent.
Someone who has a dark, oftentimes sarcastic sense of humor that matches my own. But who is light-hearted and doesn’t take their self too seriously.
Who has opinions and isn’t afraid to share them with me. Whose (non)religious views are similar to mine. Who accepts me for the libertarian, pseudo economist, crazy, kinky little thing that I am.
Responsible, respectful, financially secure.
Someone who is constantly growing and striving to improve as a person. Who knows what they want in life and has the motivation and means to fulfill their goals.
Supportive, a good listener. Someone who will back me in my pursuits and will receive the same in return.
Adventurous, spontaneous, appreciates good music, good books, and long car rides. Likes animals. Loves me.
And…Dominant, tall, isn’t afraid to slap me, and looks good in a suit ;)
Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests changed? How so?
My interests have definitely fluctuated a lot since I first started exploring kink.
I’m much more interested and eager to test my limits than I was initially. I think the main reason for this is that I have a partner willing to do it, who enjoys it, and who I trust.
There are certain activities I never would have thought I’d enjoy. If you had told me a year ago that Sir would be able to make me cum by using his crop on my clit, I would have cringed first, and then completely rejected the idea. Now just thinking about it makes me anxious for the next time it happens… (hint, hint) :)
There are also things I’d really like to experiment with that I had never considered before. Mainly confinement, furniture restriction, etc.
I can’t really think of anything that I was interested in but no longer am. I could be overlooking something though.
What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
The same things that are necessary to keeping any relationship healthy are what keep kinky relationships healthy.
However, I think there is a level of intensity that my relationship with Sir has reached that I’ve never had with any vanilla partner. I allow myself to be much more vulnerable with him. I think the consistent pushing of limits makes communication, respect, trust, and honesty even more important than they would be in a vanilla relationship.
Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)?
I actually haven’t read any non-fiction related to BDSM. But I’d definitely like to get my hands on “The Ethical Slut” by Easton & Liszt at some point.
If you have a favorite, I’m open to suggestions! :)
Talk about something within kink/BDSM that you don’t understand.
One thing I definitely don’t understand is the appeal behind potentially fatal play. I’m all about doing whatever you want as consenting adults, but this just blows my mind. Even if the absolute ONLY way I could get my rocks off was to have Sir fuck me in the ass with the barrel of a loaded shotgun I still wouldn’t do it.
What irks me even more is when people engage in dangerous play without even realizing it. For instance, one time I spent the better part of an hour trying to explain to someone why locking their sub in a cage with no food or water for an extended period of time was, at best, not a very good idea…and at worst, potential cause of brain damage or the end of the person’s life.
I know a lot of submissives have complete faith in their Dominants, but if anyone ever wanted to engage in something like that with me, it would make it really hard for me to trust their judgement on what is considered “safe, sane, and consensual.”
Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
The main thing has been discovering that I’m not the only one with the desires that I have. It’s a good feeling knowing that even if I’m a freak, at least there’s a bunch of other freaks just like me. :P
Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
-Abusers that call themselves Doms.
-Girls who refer to their vanilla boyfriends as “Sir” or “Master” without their knowledge.
-When tops/bottoms are confused with Doms/subs.
-When LDR relationships are dismissed as not legitimate or lesser than their counterpart.
There’s probably more but these stick out in my head the most.
What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
There is no one single type of person that is interested in kink/BDSM. We don’t all walk around in spiky collars and head to toe leather. Most of the kinky friends I have just look like the guy/girl next door.
Also, kinky people aren’t always somehow “damaged”. An interest in BDSM/kink doesn’t necessarily link to trauma. I think that’s a huge misconception that is strengthened especially by everyone’s new favorite BDSM erotica. You know what I’m talking about.
What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
This might sound silly, but I honestly cannot think of a single difficulty. Sir is a wonderful partner to me, I have a handful of great friends that know exactly the nature of my relationship, I feel no guilt or shame for my kinks. Any difficulties I have stem from factors outside of kink. For instance, the hundreds of miles that currently separate my mouth from Sir’s cock…